Thank you Canada! Our clever northern neighbors have made another contribution to the civilized world. After producing the robot arm of the space shuttle, and the Declaration to Prevent Harm (to already dead Rwandans), Canada has now contrived a means to advance the practice – the art – of humane slaughter of wildlife. What could possibly provide more comfort to a small animal alone on an ice floe than the arrival of men with spiked clubs and humane intentions?
Thank you for killing seals. You have proved how truly humane you are, how humane humans can be, expanded the definition of humanity and permanently increased the extent and capacity of human concern for animal welfare. Who would have thought all that bloody ice and all those seal pups skinned alive would have shown the world a truly humane killing method? This is a very great comfort to those whose concerns include the suffering of animals. Killing animals by hitting them over the head with a spiked club is the answer to many previously difficult or painful situations.
Now we know that the most humane method with which to kill animals is by a blow to the head with a spiked club. Since this is assuredly the most humane method of killing several hundred thousand seals we, the civilized world, can also be sure that this is the most humane method of killing sick pets. Veterinarians and pet owners can rejoice in the knowledge that hitting animals over the head with a spiked club is the most humane killing method that can be used. And in abattoirs and slaughterhouses around the world, we now know that animals will suffer least when they are killed by modern Canadian methods such as being hit over the head with a spiked club. This will be a great comfort to those whose concerns include the welfare of animals. There are a few. Our delicate sensibilities regarding animal welfare and the mitigation of suffering have all been completely accommodated by the use of the spiked club in killing.
If Canada ever enacts a death penalty, you will already know which is the most humane method for killing the convicted. It has been amply demonstrated on millions of seals. The seals should thank Canada, and they would if they could. But they can’t because they’ve been humanely killed by being hit over the head with spiked clubs. Or shot, which is the Second Most Humane Killing Method.
Whenever the ticklish issue of animal suffering intrudes on human will, we thank Canada for providing clarity and leadership. Hitting animals over the head with spiked clubs is clearly the answer.
When the rapture comes, we can do our children and neighbors the ultimate favor by hitting them over the head with a spiked club. A spiked club to hit them over the head with is clearly the answer. Thank you Canada.
Hospice organizations are already quietly rejoicing. They know that when the final day arrives, the terminally ill patient can take a final comfort in the fact that they can be killed by a blow to the head with a spiked club. It’s the most humane way of killing and the most pleasant way to die. Better for all, win-win. The families will also be comforted in knowing that their beloved did not suffer when they were hit in the head with a spiked club. Canada has truly contributed humanitarian comfort to many.
According to the Canadians, the second most humane method of killing is shooting. This a very great comfort to your southern neighbors who own a lot of guns and are very concerned about killing things, humans as well as animals, by the most humane means possible. Again, a great deal of suffering shall have been averted by shooting people and animals.
We thank Canada for the honesty, clarity and leadership it provides to the world. Thank you Canada, our clever, northern neighbors, for advancing the notion and practice of basic decency in regard to animals everywhere. What else could you possibly contribute? A space shuttle arm equipped with a spiked club and a “Responsibility to Protect”?
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